This I Swear
by altairi
Summary: Some internal struggles of a character. Who? I won' tell you yet, as it would spoil the story. Read, and you will find out.


Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or places related to the Harry Potter books. They all are the creation of J.K.Rowling.   
  
A/N: This fanfic is NOT related to any of my other fanfics. Nothing that finds place here has any influence on what happens in my other writings. Please keep that in mind while reading this.  
Beta read, like all my fanfics, by Luinthoron (go check out his fanfiction after you have read this, it's really good)  
  
--Altair  
  
  
  
This I Swear  
  
I stormed out of the Great Hall. I ran into my dormitory, locked the door and threw myself onto my bed. I would never, never ever speak to them again. How could they do this to me?! I had never given them any reason, had I? No, I don't think so either. But why then? Why?! I felt like dying. I wanted to die. How could they be so heartless?! I never had anyone and now the only friends I ever had, had turned against me. I didn't understand this. What had got into them?! How could they betray me like that?! I cried into my pillow, tears coming from my eyes and making me look uglier than I already did. Oh, I knew I was ugly. Anyone told me, more than once a day. And I wasn't blind, either. I had a mirror and it told me the truth 24/7. But that's not the point. My so-called friends hadn't told me that, but I knew all the same. They just had tried not to lose my friendship. Well, it hadn't helped anyway. 'Cause with what they had done to me today, they had lost my trust forever.  
I went down to the common room, out through the portrait hole and right to the hospital wing to see Madam Pomfrey. She took one look at me and told me to get into my bed. She was angry with me for leaving the hospital wing too soon, but I couldn't help it. She hadn't let me see my "friends" for a week now, I just had to see them. But now I regretted ever going to the School in first place. I followed her instructions blind and lied down in my bed. I started to cry again. Soon enough was my pillow wet, but I couldn't stop. Madam Pomfrey came in again and saw me. There was compassion in her eyes as she hurried towards me, holding a goblet and giving it to me to drink the potion. Oh, I knew this potion. He had drunk it before. I knew what it did to you. It made you sleep. It made you sleep without having dreams. And it made you forget. But I didn't want to forget. If I would calm down now, I would forget. I would forget and live on as if nothing happened. But I didn't want to live as if they had never betrayed me. I wanted them to pay for it.  
Fortunately, the door burst open and Madam Pomfrey went to deal with whoever had come here. I looked at the goblet in my hands and at the soaking pillow. And then I knew what to do. I poured the potion onto my pillow and placed the goblet onto the desk next to my bed. Madam Pomfrey came back with a dry pillow for me. She looked at me and I did all I could to look as sleepy as possible. I think she bought it. She took the wet pillow and the empty goblet with her and left me alone...  
I don't know how long I remained awake after she had gone. One moment I just laid awake on my bed, the next moment I woke up from a nightmare worse than anything I had ever dreamed before. Only that it wasn't really a nightmare, it was more like a memory, a memory of what had happened today. I heard their voices, asking to see me, but I didn't want to face them, yet. I would do that in my own time, ready to make them pay for making my horrible secret known to everyone. They had stood by me for about a month after I had told them. But then came my nervous breakdown and not only they told everyone I had one, they also told them today the REASON! And that after what I had found out! It wasn't fair! None of the teachers had visited me except for Dumbledore - I heard him through my sleep today) and all the students will be avoiding me (OK, they had avoided me most of the time, anyway) and I will never be able to look a teacher in the eyes again. And that after my world had already crushed into a million pieces twice. For first time, it had been when I found out about the adoption. My parents weren't my real parents! It took me months to get over this. I had found the papers accidentally when I was cleaning up the attic to surprise them. I didn't confront them after finding the papers, I haven't done it even by now. Someday I will, if they don't tell me before by themselves. The second time... the second blow life gave me was even harder than the first. I had wanted to know who my real parents were and why they left me. Now I curse the day I found out. I had told them only because I felt like they had to know. My so-called-friends, I mean. I told them, because I didn't want to lie to them. But they... They made me think it was OK. But it wasn't, was it? Of course not, they hadn't betrayed me like that, had it been OK with them. One thought crosses my mind. Mudblood. I've been called that before. At least no one will be able to call me that, anymore.  
And I find myself thinking - maybe I should really do what they all seem to be expecting me to do? To join forces with my real father? Because, as I found out, he didn't abandon me on his free will. Maybe I should pay back to the one who made my father unable to be there for me. Maybe I should transfer my loyalty to the father who had been taken from me all these years ago? And this idea seems more appealing with every time it crosses my mind. Whoever sent me that letter that had led me to the attic in first place, I owe it all to him. Was it my real father? Could it be? And this I swear. They will pay for making me cry. They will pay for every single tear I ever shed because of them. This I swear on my father's name. For I am Hermione Elizabeth Riddle. Daughter of Tom Marvolo Riddle. Daughter of Lord Voldemort.  
  
  
  
A/N: Oh, and the idea of Hermione being dear Voldie's daughter is not based on anything in the books. It was just my sick fantasy that brought up this piece of fanfiction. So if you want to blame someone, flame me. If you happened to like this, however, please let me know in leaving a review, OK? Thank you.  
  
--Altair 


End file.
